userdefinedlogic

So, I finally recieved a reply to my offer of services. I have two telephone numbers to call to discuss how I may be able to assist.

One of the places that’s looking for volunteers (not sure in what capacity) is Plas Newydd, the ancestral home of the Marquess of Anglesey.

The blurb says;

Plas Newydd, the ancestral home of the Marquess of Anglesey, bears witness to a turbulent history: noble beginnings during Henry VIII’s reign, triumphant success at Waterloo, bankruptcy at the turn of the 20th century and the revival of the family fortunes in the 1930s. The house is famous for its association with Rex Whistler, and contains his exquisite romantic mural and the largest exhibition of his works. Located on the Menai Straits, with glorious views across Snowdonia, you can stroll through an Australasian arboretum, Italianate summer terrace or follow a woodland path leading to the marine walk along the Straits.

So, that looks fun.

The other place is The Lighthouse Community Centre. I have worked there before but, thankfully, the organisation running the place changed a few years back.

I started there as a client, as my cunning plan to get together with actual real life family didn’t quite work out, and I was actually homeless and living on Newry Beach for two months. If it hadn’t been for the Lighthouse I’m not entirely sure what I would have done. Anyway, once I got a room to live in, I worked there as a volunteer, doing admin, counselling clients, cooking meals, cleaning. It was enjoyable. It had moments of real sadness. Even though my circumstances weren’t great, I was in clover compared to some. Working with people dealing with addictions, people who were so far down a road of destroying themselves was heartbreaking at times but… if you’re going to help you have to save how you feel about stuff because you feeling sad ain’t gonna help them. A warm meal, some good help, just listening is a far better thing than any amount of your tears.

I’d like to work there again if the chance comes. Having said that, the surroundings at Plas Newydd are a lot nicer! Looking at the Lighthouse link, maybe one thing I could do for them is make their web presence better …

Watch this space.

Yes! I just deleted my first spams! I feel so humble. Apparently they can “drink in the coherence of my shorthand”… well, damn, that’s good to know! 🙂

It’s been a very long time since I spent a day just basking in a warm feeling, especially around this time of the year. Clinical depression sucks. I was diagnosed with it a good 18 years ago. I had a sequence of events in 1993 that just floored me so completely that I am not certain I ever recovered from it.

It’s weird when everything that makes you, “you” crumbles around you. What compounds it is the sense that everything you were convinced made you “you” actually transpires to be probably wrong. You might notice some back and forth regarding tenses and absolutes there, but you know, that’s what doubt is.

Anyway. Since that year, from December (around Xmas) to March, I had what could be termed terminal SAD, indeed, on two clear occasions I was determined it would be just that. I think it was quite possibly actual SAD combined with anniversary depression. Of course, Xmas is an acute reminder of being separate from family. Winter sucks in general and I loathe short days. February 23rd is the anniversary of my Mother’s birthday. Her passing was one of the big events that affected me in 1993. If it had been that event alone, maybe I could have survived, I don’t know. (I mean “survived” as the person I was.) But as it came after two other pretty massive stressors, it didn’t happen. I do have times when I am glad that person didn’t survive. Or perhaps I am just enabling something. Who knows.

Anyhoo, the point is, this depression would always culminate in the darkest point coming at the close of February.

But not this year.

For the first time in nearly two decades… two fucking decades!, I have been free of this bloody awful affliction. I’ve recorded already how astonishing this year has been so far. Building a relationship with Jill has lifted me to an amazing degree. I know how lucky I am although I do continue to be surprised.

Yesterday was a good case in point. As usual I get up and get my day started. Of course, checking the web is a part of that. So I go to giraffeboards to see the new posts. I find this. First just reading the OP (opening post) made me grin from ear to ear, but then reading the responses from the other ‘raffers was pretty great too [/understatement].

So, on the day that, for far too long I have been lower than low, I actually feel happier and more optimistic than any time I can remember. Life’s good.

So, it being a Monday and, having just had a great weekend spending time with the one I love and people who are special to me, I am pondering what to do with myself.  All morning on the news channels there has been much talk of David Cameron’s “Big Society” and, while I will reserve judgement about that, it did get me thinking (which is a good thing I guess). Over the past few weeks I have been on hyperdrive, being busy, getting things done at home and I want to maintain that buzz. What can I *do*? I wondered.

Well, having volunteered in the past and made something of a success at it, why not have another go? So I go to Google and look up “volunteering in Anglesey”.  First link I am taken to is Volunteer Wales website for Ynys Môn. (That’s Anglesey in Welsh.) I register to be notified about work available in the following areas: Admin and Office Work, Shops & Retail, Homelessness & Housing, Overseas Activities, IT, and finally, Employment. All of these particular areas I have a fair bit of experience of one way or another.

So, I shall await email correspondence from the organisation with bated breath. I hope I’ll have a good experience which will only happen if I can do some good. For me, that’s the whole point of volunteering, so someone else who needs some help can get it. Sadly, I have had too many times where the experience is tarnished (to the point where people cease to offer their services) by individuals who “volunteer” because of how it reflects upon them.

But, when you get inspired by someone, it’s a great thing to do. I’ve been homeless myself in the past and worked as an advocate for homeless people in the past and it was a very satisfying thing to do to see people who are at a low ebb slowly get themselves back on track and in a better place (literally and figuratively).

I shall record how things go when I can. 🙂

Also, in the interests of full disclosure, I should mention that chatting to a friend about his weekend plans also had me pondering. He was planning to go do some environmental work with his daughter on Saturday. His girl (who I think is around 10?) is on her way to earning a bronze badge for volunteering in their community. To achieve this, you must have done 50 hours of volunteer work and when completed the PRESIDENT of the USA sends you a letter congratulating you. Isn’t that cool? Not only a young ‘un going that distance but getting a letter from Obama himself. Now if Davey C is watching, *that’s* how a big society get’s built. Well done to my mate and his girl. Good job.

So, I am watching the BAFTA’s.

The nominations for the best film are: Black Swan, The King’s Speech, The Social Network, True Grit and Inception. I don’t know what it is but, although some of these look interesting, there’s none that I am desperately wishing to go and see. Of them I suppose True Grit looks the most fun. But that is due more to the fact that I am of an age to have loved the original. Although by no means a John Wayne fan, he was bloody good in that. Happily, I *am* a Jeff Bridges fan and he looks suitably dissolute in this version.

I read a thread somewhere that said True Grit is actually an adaptation of a book (another US book that wasn’t widely available I bet) and I’d quite like to read it and see how the source material compares.

The King’s Speech looks good too. Again, more for the story it’s based on than any real liking of the main actors. Colin Firth is always capable (but one for the girls I tend to find), Helena Bonham Carter is rapidly outstaying her welcome, but Geoffrey Rush is always good to watch. There was a programme on BEEB4 about the story of George VI and his assumption of the throne following the abdication. As someone who has supported the monarchy but finds it increasingly difficult to justify, it’s good to be reminded of someone who assumed that service and integrity were meant to just be and not whined about. Good man.

Inception looks daft. It has Leo DiCaprio. It still looks daft. (Granted, at least it has something approaching a unique idea but still, it looks daft. I may have said this already.)

(As I typed that, The King’s Speech has just won the BAFTA.)

Black Swan looks intriguing. I like Natalie Portman so it’ll be one to catch on dvd at some time.

I don’t know what it is. Am I falling out of love with movies? I hate celebrity culture and so many films seem to be churned out because the great unwashed will go see anything that has Sleb X in it and otherwise has no redeeming features at all.

To offset that, they are just announcing the Fellowship which is going to Sir Christopher Lee. Well deserved and based on real talent and integrity. Good job.

The Independent | Brian Viner.

One of my favourite columnists. Always writes about interesting topics, primarily sports but not exclusively.  Maintains personal contact following correspondence from readers (which I can attest to personally!) and isn’t afraid to apologise if he agrees he got something wrong. Enjoy.

I have noticed that many people use their blogs to rail against injustices committed upon them by their parents and family. I promise I will be no different (heh) but not on this occasion.

I want to share a happy memory.

I’ll get around to explaining why another time but circumstances are such that I only have one photograph that links me to anyone in my family. I hope it’s going to appear next…

Mum
:does happy dance! Yay!: (Sorry, I get stupidly excited when I actually manage to do something I intended to…)

This is a picture of my Mum. It was taken on a beach in Cyprus and I kept it because it show’s her happy. Sadly, that wasn’t a state she got to be in very often so this was quite a scoop.

You’ll notice that she is in a state of undress. That is actually a bikini from the 70’s! I know… they were pretty horrible, but what can you do? We were at the beach that day having a family picnic. Living in Cyprus allowed you these times. As schoolkids we attended school from 07:00hrs to 13:00hrs. The reason being it was too hot to be in school after that. This meant we could spend glorious days in beautiful places goofing about. It really was a halcyon time and I daresay I will share some more (who knows, I might even get hold of some pictures..?) but for the moment, I digress.

Mum had always had a deep-seated fear of water from when she had been a kid. She never told us why but getting her near the water itself was a trial never mind actually into it! So, over the course of the summer, me and my brother and sister had been gradually trying to tempt her to come to the beach. After a while, she relented. You can tell from the tan lines that she had spent some days before getting a tan.

On this day, we had decided as a family to go to the beach for a picnic. Looking at the background I can’t tell actually whether this is Curium Beach or Tunnel Beach… I’m thinking Tunnel Beach because it was closer to home (Mum didn’t drive, that’s another story…) and the pebbles stick in my mind for some reason but I am dredging a memory from 1974/5 so, ya hafta allow for Alzheimer’s! Anyway, over the course of the day we’d been cajoling Mum to come into the water. She’d been reluctant and I can understand why, this was the sea after all and not a swimming pool. The thing was, the sea there was generally flat as a pancake, so any fear of the water lapping up into her face (an understandable dread of any non-swimmer) was moot. Gradually she was persuaded to come for a paddle and then to dunk herself down into the water as long as we stayed close by to reassure her. We all three took the task very seriously and were very careful not to unsettle her. It always stayed with me that our normal tendency to daftness was stilled during this because we knew we were doing something very special.

Once mum had become used to the water, we then persuaded her to let us help her float. One of us by her shoulders and another by her legs, she slowly but surely settled down and let the water carry her, her breath steadying and confidence building in the water’s ability to hold her up. Before long, we were able to let her go and just let her drift on the water. Even when she realised that we were no longer holding her, she kept calm and seemed to realise that she was in control and wasn’t going to drown. Watching that realisation was pretty amazing.

As the day went on, she developed enough confidence to duck down into the water and then we were able to teach her some rudimentary swimming strokes. Ok, so it was her version of a doggy paddle but it did the trick. It was fantastic. You can see in the picture a real sense of elation and happiness that she had achieved something really important that day, overcoming a fear and feeling exhilarated at what she had done. I sometimes wonder if the strength she found in herself that day helped her when she had to do something far more difficult a mere few years later, which was leave my father. I like to think it did and I’m glad, despite everything else, that the three of us kids helped her to do that.